Why We Wee Where We Wee

“Air freshener,” wrote a Craigslist member in 2004, “is completely worthless.” The anonymous tipster, who felt it necessary to provide the giant classified website with an extensive guide to defecating in the houses of others, goes on the explain why:
“It tells me one thing, and one thing only: you like the smell of shit-covered flowers.”

While a bit blunt, his (or her?) point is well made: no one wants the sweet smell of lavender (or vanilla, or citrus, or any other good smell) to be associated with poop- it’s the equivalent of taking an angel and dragging it through the mud. It’s not right. We need to resist the urge to keep a bottle of “Pleasant Meadows” or “Fresh Wild Berry Blossom Zest” air freshener on top of our toilet tanks.

But what are the options, besides bearing the brutal smell? There are a few, from pooping deep in the bushes to not pooping at all (one of these I don’t recommend), but here are some that are probably your better options. Not that I’m an expert...

Nature Calls

This solution has been getting press from the likes of the Los Angeles Times, the New York Post, Nylon Men, and E!. From Ritual, a California-based maker of grooming products for men, Nature Calls is simple in its application: add two drops of the deodorizer into the toilet before getting down to business, and Nature Calls takes care of the rest. While I haven’t tried this (but would like to), the Los Angeles Times had this to say:

Frankly, it doesn't matter how it works; it could result in the death of a rain forest with each use.... I've since gifted tiny bottles to friends... and even furtively handed off one to a fellow wedding guest after an earnest discussion about such matters.

Could this be the missing link to eliminating toilet odor?

The Shit Box

The Shit Box is a portable cardboard toilet that lets you take your bowel movements far, far away from any other human being. Now, its true function is for folks camping, going on road trips, surviving a weekend music festival, or heck, even fishing (just maybe not while fishing- unless you can multitask really well). But if you truly want to avoid disturbing people with the odors that find their way into the world with every washroom visit, doesn’t it make sense to cut through all the matches, candles, and deodorizers, and take your private business into the great unknown?

Best of all, each Shit Box comes with a duffle bag (for the long trek to No Man’s Land), “poo bags” to dispose of the remains, and tissues for the clean-up. Minimalism is a beautiful thing.

But whatever odor-killing option you choose, just remember one thing: wash your hands (and dry them too). There’s so many potentially deadly diseases floating around out there right now that it’s only polite. Not only that, but when people see you walk out of a restroom without washing your hands, they really do think less of you. And will no longer shake your hand. Both of which severely devalue your brand.